New Mac

Yay!!! I finally got my new laptop and of course it's none other than the Mac, MacBook to be exact. And lordy am I excited.. I can't wait to start bloggin more & maybe even start up a Youtube channel.. who knows? but needless to say(but I'm gonna say it anyways) I'm very Excite!!

Avoidant Personality Disorder Woes

So, I may have APD... now what??
Am I cured?, cause I feel worse.
Am I crazy?, cause I feel like I am.
How can I get help.? Why can't I just be a shy, modest, antisocial person and not have some personality disorder.?
Who can I talk to? hmm, that's a good question but it's a lost cause
Because I feel unable to..
Better yet, how do I tell people?
I want them to understand me but what if they don't care to know.. or what if they think I'm being "dramatic"--I mean, why not? IT IS dramatic, to me, so why wouldn't it be to them?
I'm Sad.
But I don't want to be.
I hope this changes sooner than later.
I've isolated myself for too long. I wish that fact would/could be enough for me to move on.
But how can I when being ME seems to be the hardest thing I ever have to or had to do.
Again, WHY!?
I just want it to be something I could just "grow" out of.
Hate being pessimistic, when all I really want is to be optimistic.

Man, I just don't know... ???

**Words that describes my feelings**
Lonely depressed
tired weak
confused anxious
sad resentful
alone NUMB